Hello people of earth! It's been a very long time since I've posted... sorry. To be quite honest I've been at a loss of things to write about. So today I figure, why not just write? And not just some funny rant or a list of things that really ticks me off; why not tell a little story?

I've started so many different blogs that I've wanted to turn into something along the lines of a story, but I've never actually taken it anywhere. So! I bring to you, a small story with no name (yet) and who knows? It might be the starter for a story blog!~~~






A heavy mix of steam and smoke swirls out in front of the girls face as the soft hue of orange illuminates her features with each puff off her cigarette. It's dark outside, even for being the middle of the night, probably because it's been raining for the past four days. Its quiet. Not a sound other than that of the pattering of rain and the soft burning of tobacco. Eerie. But none more so than the house in which we just moved into... It's beautiful; old Victorian, almost castle like. Hanging chandeliers, dark oak doors, even a spiral stair case leading up to "The tower" where she did the majority of her writing. She loved every aspect of that house... but nothing more than the doll.

It was a spooky thing. Porcelain, with ungodly white, curly hair. It's glass skin was faded and pale, and it's once blushed cheeks now looked dark and deathly. The dress it wore was a organized mess of black lace, silk, and ribbons all tied together carefully and with brilliant craftsmanship. She found it neatly placed in a wooden box which had been locked away in a hidden closet just under the stairs. An old, iron lock had been fastened around the clasp but it didn't do any good as the key was still jammed inside it; one small turn of the key and the lock opened gracefully with a "Click!". Any normal person who found a doll... in a hidden room... locked in a box... would get rid of the damned thing, but not her. She loved that doll more than anything else in that house. Every day she would take it down and admire it by the glow of the fireplace in the privacy of her study. It was becoming a concern, like she had an unnatural obsession with the thing. But she kept up with her social and daily life and her writing.

She puts out her smoke and walks toward the back door from the garden using the light from her phone to see what obstacles lay on her path.

"It's late," I say as she approaches the house, "What're you doing up?" She kicks off her shoes at the door and makes her way to the kitchen table. A familiar smile spreads across her face as she glances at me. I hand her a hot cup of tea just as she sits down.

"Thank you," she takes a sip, "I was just taking a little midnight stroll through the garden." Her eyes glistened in the dim lit room. They were always my favorite part of her...

"The dead garden in the middle of October?" I couldn't help but chuckle, "Oh Marceline, this is why I married you." I kissed her forehead, "Lets go to bed." She shook her head.

"I have too much work to do... I have a deadline for my book you know. I'm almost done, I swear." At this she stood up and walked toward the little doorway leading to the main room. "You should bring your tea and come up with me. It would be nice to have some living company up there."

"Living being, not made of glass?" I laugh, "Okay I'll be up there shortly." She nodded and whirled around into the darkness. I sighed, if I was going to be up all night I was going to need a cup of coffee. This was the third night in a row that I found her outside in the middle of the night, always 'strolling the garden'. Slowly I was becoming more and more concerned with her unusual behavior; wandering about the grounds in the middle of the night, I don't know when she ever slept, and as far as I knew she was on a strict diet of tea, tobacco and coffee cake. My stomach churned at the thought of her health.... I was terrified that I would find her face down in her study one day. "Coffee," I say to myself as I fill my mug. My feet drag across the floor, down the hall, through the main room, up the stairs to the second floor, and around the corner to the door of the "tower". One seemingly never ending spiral of stairs later and I was on the landing just before the door to Marceline's study. I stopped dead in my tracks... suddenly I felt strange; an eerie feeling flooded all over my being. Goosebumps crept up all over my skin and the hair on the back of my neck stood up straight.There was someone breathing down my neck... Slowly I turned and just then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw something! But it was gone as soon as I was completely turned around. Nothing but silence and the light in the stairs.

"Andoin!" I let out a yelp as Marceline's voice broke the silence, like a hammer to glass, I'm not sure how I kept a firm hold on my coffee. She falls back into her study, "Whats wrong with you!?" She pulls herself to a stand as I work hard to catch my breath. My answer is as staggered as my breathing.

"Just- just tired. I'm freaking myself out." Her gentle hand softly caresses my trimmed face, suddenly I was at ease.

"I just finished my novel," she grins happily, "We can go to bed... together. And actually sleep. For once," Her hand meets mine for a split second as she heads down the stairs. I smile at her and turn to close the door of her study... which slowly creeks to a close before I'm even turned around. I'd never admit what I saw and heard that very moment, not to my wife... but if I'm being honest with myself... What was said to me at the top of that tower didn't come from Marcie.

Softly in my ear, was a whisper... "Death.... soon."








Thank you for reading! Tell me what you think in an e-mail or in the comments below. <3 I'll try and get a bit more of the story in in the next week... Assuming if I can find the time. I love you guys! Remember than you can e-mail me at catethehuman@gmail.com
Until next time blog reading peeps. <3
~~ Cate

That Rat Ass Bastard.

So I haven't posted in a very, very long while. Mostly because I'm just to lazy to do it. But this most recent event in my life has prompted me to dedicate a BRAND SPANKING NEW blog post all to one guy (who shall remain nameless simply because I said so). So without further a-due I bring to you, the blog reading peeps of the world; That rat ass bastard.


Dear Rat Ass Bastard,

How silly of me to believe that you and I would have ever worked as friends, let alone as anything else. To think, I fell for your stupid fucking bull shit words as easily as they came out of your pathetic, stupid, ugly mouth. For the four MONTHS that you and I spent EVERY DAY talking until late in the night I believed every word you spoke to me. And now, I just want to forward ALL of our messages to your FUCKING GIRLFRIEND WHO I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD. Will I do it? I haven't decided yet. Maybe I should. Maybe she should see what you told me, the promises you made me, the rather shirtless pictures you sent me. Why? BECAUSE YOU SIR, ARE A FUCKING WHORE.

Had I known that you were in a relationship with someone, or that you were using me when you were feeling lonely, shit would be way different. Not only would we have gotten so "Close" but you'd probably be single. HAH Jokes on you because you know what... Now she's going to be single (and not without a guy because she's very, very pretty) and you're going to be homeless. BECAUSE SHE IS GOING TO KICK YOU OUT SO FUCKING HARD AND I'M GOING TO LAUGH WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD. I don't want your sorrys, you need to give them all to her. YOU FUCKING RAT ASS BASTARD. How can you do that to someone? You know what... I don't even care. I guess I can close this "letter" with... I hope you enjoy sleeping under benches and having no penis. Because I hope she castrates you and shoves you out the door like you're nothing. Have a wonderful life. I hate you.

Most sincerely,
Cate The Human



Well my blog reading peeps. I hope this post suits your fancy, if not I'm sorry... Follow me on twitter and I'll give you a direct apology. -I follow back... just sayin' <3 I'll leave you with an "I love you" and a "thanks for reading". So... I love you and thanks for reading. Lol See you next time!! (Twitter @CateTheHuman)    Bye!

~~~~Cate

An ode to my best peeps.

So, lately I've been busy with a countless number of things; most of which are unbearably awful and make me want to rub my face on a cheese grater. But in the midst of all of these things I have a handful of people keeping me put together and sane -as sane as I get-. So I'd just like to take a moment to thank my "peeps" for staying with me even when I can't seem to stay with them.

Dear friends,

You know who you are, therefore I don't need to address you publicly by using names. I fucking love each and every one of you. You are the glue to the shaky foundation of my pop-sickle-stick life and without you my little arts and craft tower would crumble beneath the heavy weight of reality. You are each so important to me in my life... in ways that you don't even understand. This thank you may be a short one... but it's one that I needed to give to each one of you. Thank you for everything you have done, are doing, and will do for me. I love you.

~ Most Sincerely,
                Cate the Human.


For those of you reading this who want to use it for your own friends, please do. You should cherish them no matter how many fights, spats, or rough times. Be there for them no matter what and kick some ass for them when you have to. If you do this I promise you you'll have friends as great as mine some day. Tell your peep you love them and show it every day even if they're moving to another state to get married, even if they're a bit of a basket case sometimes, even if you don't get to see them much, and even if you've neglected to show them that love for a long time. Let them know "Hey, I love you" I don't care if it's cheesy, I don't care if it's stupid. It's something that everyone likes to hear, so tell them. Your friends are worth it, so take the time to do it.

Well, I love you all and you know that. So I'll leave off here! Thank you for reading and sharing with all of your peeps. I hope they enjoyed it. Have a wonderful day everyone... <3

~Cate The Human

1000 Blog View!

DEAR PEOPLE OF THE WORLD,
I thank you and your interwebs browsing for you have granted me the joy of knowing that my blog has been viewed over 1000 times!! I love you all (even if you just skimmed through the posts...). From my cheesegraterface blog to my obsession with Adventure Time (hence the name, Cate The Human) to my most recent ten texts from guys blog I can only hope that you have found my rants, jokes, and constant complaining both entertaining and instructive. I daresay I plan on doing my best to keep the blogs coming having high hopes that I'll one day reach my goal of 1million views. I wish you the best and most humours of days and thank you again and again for helping me achieve this wonderful achievement! KEEP READING! <3

Thanks a million my blog savvy peeps. Remember that you can follow me on Twitter @CateTheHuman or go like my facebook page "Go F*ck Yourself, Thanks." where you can message me, tweet me, or leave me a comment telling me what you would like to see me blog about. Mucho Love! ~Cate The Human



<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Ten texts from guys that piss me off.

So I got a text from a dude the other day that was both immature and totally inappropriate thus the blog was created; Ten texts from guys that piss me off--


So this is how this is going to go, I'm going to list the ten texts in no order, their just randomly placed. Enjoy.

10) 
ME:  Lawls, brb shower. :)
BOY: Oh, and I don't get invited? ;)
ME: No. I don't invite man-children into my shower.

9)
ME: So what are you doing? :P
BOY: Rubbing one out.
ME: Remind me to never touch your phone again.

8)
BOY: Hey princess :)
ME: I spit, burp and play videogames in my underwear... if anyone's a princess it's you.

7)
BOY: Hey baby! :)
ME: Do I look like I wear diapers? Please fuck off and loose my number.

6)
BOY: (Sends me a random picture of their dick)
Me: I didn't know that cell phones worked as microscopes.

5)
BOY: (Sends me a shirtless picture)
ME: Want some whipped cream with that jello?

4)
BOY: Wut r u doin? Wunna chil?
ME: No, I want to hit you with a dictionary.

3)
BOY: Heyy Sexy :D
ME: Hey not-so-sexy!

2)
ME: Dude, I'm so bored... want to go do something?
BOY: By something do you mean me? ;)
ME: No, maybe next time I should clarify.

1)
BOY: dtf?
ME: cys?
BOY: Wut?
ME: Can you spell?



Well there you have it, the ten texts that annoy the shit out of me, hopefully some of you can relate. Sorry I haven't blogged in a while, been busy with my book! Hopefully I'll get another blog up soon! Bye my blog reading peeps.

Thanks for reading! You can find all of my blogs on my facebook page, "Go F*ck Yourself, Thanks" where you can message me or leave me a comment with a blog request! FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER @CateTheHuman, everyone could use more followers plus I follow back! Thanks again guys! ~ Cate The Human

The Hobbit, how fucking excited I am.

Needless to say, shits about to go down--

It began with the forging of the Great Rings; three were given to the Elves immortal, wisest, and fairest of all being. Seven to the Dwarf Lords great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls
And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power. For within these rings were bound the strength and will to govern each race... But they were all of them deceived, for another Ring was made.

In the Land of Mordor In the Fires of Mount Doom The Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a last ring to control all others and into this ring he poured his cruelty, his malice, and his will to dominate all life; One Ring to rule them all. One by one the free lands of Middle Earth fell to the power of the ring but there were some who resisted. A last alliance of Men and Elves marched against the armies of Mordor and on the slopes of Mount Doom they fought for the freedom of Middle Earth.
Victory was near but the power of the Ring could not be undone. It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the king, took up his father’s sword! Sauron, the enemy of the free peoples of Middle Earth, was defeated. The ring passed to Isildur who had his one chance to destroy evil forever... But the hearts of Men are easily corrupted and the ring of power has a will of it’s own.
It betrayed Isildur to his death and some things that should not have been forgotten were lost.

History became legend, legend became myth. And for nine years the ring passed out of all knowledge until, when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer. The ring came to a creature named Peter Jackson who took it deep into the tunnels of the Warner Brothers studios and there it consumed him. The ring brought to Peter the unnatural ability to raise a thought to be dead franchise back to life... and for what seemed to be five hundred years it poisoned his mind, and in the gloom of Peters cave it waited... darkness crept back into the forests of the world as the nerds heard rumors of a shadow to the east, whispers of a nameless fear.. but something happened then, the ring did not intend. It jumped back onto the big screen on December 14, 2012 where there would come a time where hobbits would shake the fortune of all.
~Cate The Human.

I'm not dead, just busy.

I do apologize for my blogging absence... but I've been working hard on my book- yes, I'm writing a book- and I haven't found the time to blog. This is going to be a short blog because I don't really have anything to rant about... and that sucks. Anyway! I'll try to fit some blogging time into my weekend if I can get a request, but remember, I will NOT blog about religion or politics... I'll piss someone off to the extreme like I did the other day on Twitter... Have a nice day peeps! Make smart choices!

Thanks for reading!
~Cate The Human