A list of my all time fave jokes that I laughed my ass of at but everyone else seems to think are stupid.

I love laughing, anyone who doesn't love to laugh is one depressing fuck and should take an arrow to the knee (haha theres one of them). So, I give to thee- A list of my all time fave jokes that I laughed my ass off at but everyone else seems to think are stupid;

5) There's a blond a brunet and a a red head all working at NASA. They just finished astronaut training and they get to choose which planet they want to go to. At lunch they sit down and discuss this; The ginger looked up and said, "I want to go to Pluto, because its the farthest from the sun!" The brunet shook her head and said "That'd be nice, but Mars is a much better choice." So the blond looks at the both of them and says "I want to go to the sun!" The ginger and the brunet look at her and say "You cant go there! You'd burn alive!" So the blond laughs "You guys are fuckin stupid, not at night duh!"

I laughed so fuckin hard when my friend told me this joke. I think I may have peed a little.

4) I was walking through the forest when I ran into this naked man who just kept screaming "Imma Tee-pee Imma Wigwam! Imma Tee-pee! Imma Wigwam!" So I looked at the guy and said "Relax man! Your two tents!" 

Lol tell this one to your history teacher, they'll love it.

3)Yo momma's so fat she left the house in High Heals and came back in Flip-flops.

Nearly peed myself hearing this Yo Momma joke. Love them all!

2) This woman walks into an ice cream shop, blond hair, pink dress, big sunglasses; she stops in front of the cashier and looks at the menu for a good amount of time. Finally the young man behind the counter looks at the woman and asks "What can I get you ma'am?" he smiles.
She responds "I'd like a chocolate ice cream cone please."
The boy frowns, they just ran out, "I'm sorry ma'am we don't have any chocolate Ice cream but because we don't have what you like I'll let you have one of any size with any topping for free." He smiles again. The woman nods and looks at the menu.
Finally she looks up at him and says "I'd like a chocolate Ice cream cone please" the boy keeps his calm.
    "I'm sorry, I don't know if you didn't hear me, we are out of chocolate ice cream," he would smile again,"I swear the new one is on the house." she nodded and apologized for her requesting the same thing twice. Again, she looks at the menu, she looks at him and says "Id like a chocolate ice cream please."
The boy behind the counter takes a deep breath hes frustrated. He wondered why this beautiful woman didn't understand what he was telling her, "Look, let me put this in a way you'll understand; when you take the straw out of strawberry, what do you get?"
The woman thought for a minuet, "Berry." she said. 
"Okay, when you take the Va out of Vanilla what do you have?"
She thought again and then answered, "Nilla." 
He looked at her and smiled, "Good now, When you take the Fuck out of chocolate what do you get?"
The woman didn't hesitate to think about it this time, "There's no fuck in chocolate!" the boy threw his arms up and said "Lady that's what I've been trying to tell you!!!"

This is one of the funniest ones I've heard. Love it! You have to tell the joke with some serious attitude to make it funny though!

1) So did you hear about that guy who got his left arm and left leg chopped off by that psycho? *your friend responds with a "No"* Oh, well don't worry, he's all right now.

This is, by far, the single funniest joke I've ever heard in my 18 years of life. I heard it on Adventure Time and literally could not stop laughing... I had the giggles for two days after hearing it. Seriously the funniest joke in the universe.

I love jokes, so I'm always up for hearing a new one! If you have any good jokes tweet me about it, post it to my facebook page, or tell me on Google+ (Cate Finn). I don't care how bad they are, if their funny their worth reading!

Thanks for reading! You can find all of my blog posts on facebook at "Go F*ck Yourself, Thanks." or you can follow me on twitter @CateTheHuman. Remember that I, always open for new blog ideas, but I cant blog about it if you don't tell me what you want! So get on one of your social networks and friggen tell me whats up! Hope you find these jokes funny! Thanks again peeps! ~Cate The Human

Jenna Marbles- my blogging tribute.

Dear Jenna Marbles,
Hello sexual! Let me start by saying that you are one funny bitch. This entire blog (meaning not just this post but the entire People are F*cking Stupid blog) was created because you inspired me to do it. Boom, that's right. I said it. Jenna motha-fuckin Marbles is the reason for this blog. I am hopelessly addicted to your videos... Not kidding you, HOPELESSLY addicted. From your very first video of Marbles to your most recent 100th video (which was funny as fuck by the way) I've been through a journey that is car lashes, bitches breaking I-phones, Lady Gaga writing music, Justin Beiber, Ke$a, Nicki Minaj, Snooki, what boys do on the internet, what boys do in the bathroom, what boys do in the car, Sarah Palin, Madona, Spider-man, what girls do on the Internet, what girls do in the bathroom, what girls do while driving, dressing up as Drake to do the cinnamon challenge, and Landsharks. Words do not describe how truly awesome you and your awesomeness really are. I'd like to take a moment to thank you for making me laugh while I'm sad or bored as fuck and have nothing to blog about.

Another thing I admire about you're awesomeness is your neediness. I to, am a nerd. I read comic books instead of magazines, I watch SyFy instead of Oxygen and I play videogames like there's no tomorrow (needless to say if ever there was an orc invasion or a Dementor attack, I'd be the bitch to call). So thank you, Jenna Marbles, for being a sexy fuckin nerd.

I've gotten a shit ton of shit from your videos like- What guys do just about anywhere they go, how to do my make-up likes yours when I'm drunk, why girls dress like sluts on Halloween (even though I don't dress like one I've always wanted to know why others do), and how to do a plank on the ground... as a landshark. I'm pretty sure that the world will agree with me when I say you have touched our lives with the hand of comedy and for that, we -yet again- thank you. Keep being sexy!

Most sincerely, your heavily addicted fan, Cate The Human.


Thanks for reading! You can find all of my blog posts on my facebook page "Go F*ck Yourself, Thanks." I'm always open for new ideas on what to blog about so throw those bitches out there! I NOW HAVE A TWITTER, @CateTheHuman follow me if you want updates about upcoming blogs or if you just want to hear about a bunch of random shit that goes on in my day that has nothing to do with anything... Thanks again peeps! ~Cate The Human

Why I hate Hipsters.

So, as i was reading through my blogs the other day (checking for mistakes because I'm a dumb ass sometimes and miss shit) I realized that I have not yet ranted about my seething hatred for Hipsters. So without hesitation I present to you, Why I hate Hipsters-


NERDS DID IT FIRST.

I hope you realize that I could have just left this blog at that and published it... but I didn't because I assume that not all of you would understand what I mean. So I decided to elaborate. OKAY here we go, hope you're ready to read a rant... Nerds -we glorious, wonderful, most loving people- have always done things that the "mainstream" peeps think is different or uncool. Well! Of course you know, there's always that one person who RIPS the rest of us off and decides to give it a cool name and all that shit. So the nerds -we glorious, wonderful, most loving people- were left here in the dust to remain unpopular and harassed everyday for the rest of our lives. Thanks. Alot. Douche. Bags.

Another reason why I hate Hipsters is because of how far they take the "be different" thing. I understand that originality is always a good thing but when you're a woman and you use the men's bathroom because its to mainstream for you, as a woman, to use your own bathroom there is something obviously wrong here. Go park your ass on a toilet in a bathroom with the sign of the lady on it and piss in a woman's stall. If you don't want to pee in a woman's bathroom then hold that shit in until you get home (no ironic pun intended there). You nasty little wanna-be-man fuck.

Just because someone else likes the music or clothing you wear does not automatically make it "mainstream". If you see someone on the street with "your" shirt on, it doesn't mean they're trying to make it popular in the mainstream world, it just means they have the same shit-ass taste in clothing that you do. A pillowcase with a feather stapled to it does not make a good looking shirt- you are not Dobby the house elf, you will never pull it off like he did, so quit trying (R.I.P Dobby, you died a free elf. I will always love and miss you).

You are not a fucking bird, you do not need to have a feather attached to everything you wear, you do not, under any circumstances, need to put a fucking feather in your hair. It's annoying as fuck, its unattractive on you (some peeps can pull off the feather hair thing) and you're spending all of this money on feathery shit that I could do for you just by whacking you with a feather pillow after covering you with glue. Stop trying to be an animal, the only people that can pull that off have gone to Hogwarts. Fuckers.

WOLF SHIRTS WITH FEATHERS ON THEM ARE NOT OKAY. EVER. They haven't ever been cool nor will they ever be cool. I know like, four people on this entire planet who can actually pull it off and I can guarantee that its not you. Stop looking through your parents shit from the early 70's and wearing it. I'm all for hippy shit, but sometimes that's just not okay. Stop trying so hard you unoriginal bastards.

Indie rock is not the greatest thing in the world. I like it. But its nothing to be all obsessed about. Stop TRYING so hard to be different. You don't look cool, you don't look good, you look super fucking stupid and you should stop being the downfall of society today with you stupid-lookingness. Thank you.

I cant stand Hipsters. Not one bit. I cant do it. I don't do feathers or wolf shirts or indie rock or locally owned coffee shops or apple laptops. I like Starbucks and computers that work, like the rest of the world. Please, stop trying so hard and get a life.

Thanks for reading peeps! You can find all of my blogs posted on my facebook page "Go F*ck Yourself, Thanks." where you can leave me a comment with some blog ideas! I FINALLY GOT A TWITTER! You can follow me @CateTheHuman  where you can also give me blog ideas OR read random shit that I post about my daily life that no one actually cares about but I hope others find funny! Thanks again peeps! ~Cate The Human