Why girls call other girls sluts.

So I got a request from my bestie saying that I should blog about girls calling other girls sluts and shart. So here it is- Why girls call other girls sluts:

I can tell you right now, I've done my fair share of slut calling. In fact I've called the very friend who requested this blog a "skankasaurous rex"- of course she knew I was kidding (orrr wwaaass I? Jk toats kiddin Gir). There are a billion reasons why we call each other sluts but I don’t have the time to type all of those friggen reasons so I've narrowed it down to just four.

Reason 1~

You've done something to piss of the bitch who’s talkin shit.

With girls, you could wear the same pair of shoes as someone else one day and be called a skank or a hoe or a slut for it. Which is fucked up- don’t get me wrong. But that’s how we work. As a girl you want to be the only one to stick out (in a good way) and be known. So if someone else is wearing something that we are its going to piss us off. You do NOT want to deal with a girl who's pissed because she saw someone with the same dress as her at prom. Yeah, it’s a big fuckin deal.

Another way to piss us off is by getting the guy we like or taking our boyfriends. It's one of those things where it’s like, here’s my fucking circle of DO NOT TOUCH if you do happen to touch it I will chop off your titays and feed them to a hungry tiger at the zoo. Fuck with me. I dare you. Were very protective of our boyfriends. This is why I couldn’t ever be on the show "Love in the Wild"... I would kill a bitch. KILL. I would drown her in the river we had to swim across and laugh as the piranhas ate her. I guess what I’m trying to say is there's really no way to not piss us off.

Reason 2~

The peeps who're calling you a slut are jelly.

This one is simple, you've got something they're jealous of; hair, clothes, men, friends, car, cell phone, jewelry, your house, your sock, that pencil you used the other day, your nail polish, your tooth brush, your tooth paste, your floss, your cat, your dog, your brothers pet iguana, that shirt you have on in that picture of you from the sixth grade, the shoes you bought last weekend at the dollar store, your underwear, what you brought for lunch, what you had for lunch yesterday, the breakfast burrito you had this morning, what you're having for dinner, the bag you brought your lunch in, the napkin you used at lunch yesterday, the foil from the burrito you ate this morning, the plate you're eating your dinner with tonight, knowing that you get to eat tonight’s dinners leftovers tomorrow at lunch, that doughnut you thought about buying at the store, that book you read for English class, the chair that you sat on to eat that breakfast burrito, etc... the list truly is endless.

Reason 3~

You and your bestie are just messin.

Me and my best friends are always calling each other names! Some of them worse than others these are the ones I usually call them; Skank, hoe, betch, skakasaurous, skankasaurous rex, slut, and hoe bag. I’ve been told that I'm quite creative... I've also been told that I put way to much thought into shit like that. Now what they call me is much worse... I’ve been called a-- oh my glob... I’m not so sure that I can even type this word it’s so bad.... a- M-muggle. I know. Isn’t it awful? For you to know, I am no muggle. I was placed in Slytherin house on pottermore. Muggles don’t go to Hogwarts. Hoe.

Reason 4~
You're genuinely a slut.
If you've had more balls than the hungry hungry hippos in your mouth, I can imagine that people would have  reason to call you one. Quit being a nasty hoe, brush your teeth, and go confess your sins.

I could have summed this entire blog up by simply saying, girls are bitches. We call peeps names for no reason at all and then do one of two things- we either befriend them or hate them forever.

Thanks for reading peeps! You can find all of my blog posts on my facebook page "Go F*ck Yourself, Thanks." where you can give me suggestions on what to blog about! Thanks again peeps! ~Cate The human

How to tell if your peep is a keeper.

I love my friends. Truly. Everyone should love their peeps! If you don’t- there's something wrong there. I have not the slightest clue what I would do without them. So I decided to write a blog about how to tell if your friend is a true one or not. So, here we go, How to tell if your peep is a keeper;

Here's a few hypothetical scenarios:

Scenario 1~
Your boyfriend/girlfriend just ripped your heart out and fed it to a stray dog. You're hurt. You're lonely. You want to sit in front of your TV and watch reality television and eat chocolate. Nope- your friend won’t let you. They drag you to their car and head to walmart. Why walmart you ask? Well, to get anything you need to vandalize this dick/bitches house for crushing your heart of course! After obtaining the appropriate supplies you need to "get" him/her back you and your peep head over to the soon-to-be-victim’s house with water-balloons filled with whipped cream and pudding, toilet paper (the good kind, not the five cent shit you can steal out of the Sonic bathrooms; you want that shit to last), eggs, bologna, American Cheese slices, dog treats, silly string, and shaving cream. After arriving at their house and you've made sure they're asleep make sure you've got the dog quiet with a few Milk Bones and get to work. First things first, take the bologna and slap it to the side of his/her car followed by the cheese. After you've accomplished this egg the side of the house and throw a couple of the balloons. Toss the T.P. and to finish it all off cover the windows in shaving cream.
Odds are you just might end up in jail for vandalism because the douche that you just fucked with called the popo. As you look at your friend in the back seat of the popo car their smiling at you- no matter how horrified you are you know you're not alone. Your dumb ass bestie is sitting right there with you and has just picked the lock to the hand cuffs with a hair pin.

Scenario 2~
You're walking down the street when you see one fine piece of ass walkin' on the other side. So, naturally, you shout "Hey baby! Bring that ass over here!" only to see their partner emerge from the other side of them with tightly clenched fists and a few tattoos that look like they came from a prison inmate. Before shitting your pants and praying that you don’t die your peep is already on the other side of the road whooping his/her ass shouting cuss words. After seeing this you run over immediately to help but your friend won’t let you! They're probably telling you to go after the hot guy/girl you shouted at. After about fifteen minutes of hair pulling, biting, punching, screaming, and the exchanging of numbers the popo would have been called by a nearby store. Yet again this ends with you and your pal stuck in the back of a cop car one of you bleeding and the other with a new number in your phone, both of you smiling.

Scenario 3~ 
Its late, you're drunk at a bar and you realize that you've just thrown up on someone’s really nice dress. You stumble back a bit and smile. Of course your drunk ass doesn’t apologize for barfing all over her dress but you say something about her "huge titays" popping out the top of it instead. After being slapped and having a beer tossed on you, you realize you've just pissed off the wrong bitch. But you're to drunk to care. You turn and resume your conversation with the town hobo when you get a tap on the shoulder- it just so happens to be the woman’s husband. He asks you to apologize to her and you ask him to apologize for her shitty boob job. Whether you're a boy or  a girl you just offended one tuff cookie and you're about to have a throw down... Lucky for you the bar tender knows you and your bestie so he calls them up, tells them the story and holds out the phone so they can hear you screaming like a little girl between tables being broken and pool being played.
After you’re peep shows up and breaks up the fight and starts to take your giggling, drunk ass out the door you won’t know what happened at first but what you do know is you're leaned up against their car and they're behind you beating the shit out of the dude that just fucked your shit up.  The next morning at your peep's house while drinking coffee because you're so hung over you have to wear sunglasses inside, you find out that as you walked away the bastard called you something totally fucked up and your friend went back to "clean up the mess".

Scenario 4~
You just got a divorce and you're ex-wife/husband isn’t giving you all of your shit back nor will they give you the half of the shit in the house that was entitled to you in court. While sitting in their house and watching Diary of a Mad Black Woman they decide that it’s time to get your stuff back. So they pack a chainsaw and head out. You arrive at your old house and try to use your key to get in. The locks have been changed. Not a problem for you though because your peep has already kicked in the door. You run inside and gather your things when you hear someone at the front door cussing; your ex-partner is standing there with their new man/woman. You and your friend walk out of your old room with bags full of your things and into the living room where your peep sits down and asks your ex-partner to give you the half of your stuff that you got in court. When they say no, your friend stands up, starts the chainsaw and gives them one last chance. They say no again. At this your peep starts cutting shit in half asking you which half you want (as inspired by Madea in Diary of a Mad Black Woman). This, yet again, lands you in the back of a popo car with smiles on your faces.


Makin' memories peeps. Makin' memories. Long story short- if your friend isn’t in the cop car with you, they aren’t worth having. 'Nuf said. I'm not so sure my friends would come to my house and pull a Madea with a chainsaw- I'd do it for them, but I'm crazy like that.


Thanks for reading! You can find all of my blogs on my facebook page "Go F*ck Yourself, Thanks." where you can leave a comment with an idea for a blog! Thanks again peeps! ~Cate The Human

My dancing skills... or lack there of.

I've been really into Techno lately. Not sure why. Just have been. And that's a big problem... You see, when I listen to  Techno and its incredibly contagious beat I want to dance. And when I dance people think I'm doing some strange ritual to bring back the dead... Yes- I'm that bad. When I try and pop-lock-and-drop-it, I pop-lock-and drop the person next to me.  I have no rhythm with my feet or my arms or anything else. It really sucks because I love running through my house and dancing!

This one time I tried doing the Cotton-eyed-Joe and made a fool of myself in front of an entire room full of people. Like for real? I can't even kick my leg and hop around in a circle? Apparently not. My friends are always trying to make me dance but I wont. THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND!! Now if one of them want a hip to the wiener or a kick to the ti-ta-la I'll gladly dance with them. But I really doubt they want to do that... so until then I'll remain attached to my seat where my ass belongs. I don't need to be shakin' nothin' for no one... please excuse the bad grammar in that statement- it just sounded better than "shaking anything for anyone". In any case, nothing will be shaken, popped, locked, or dropped by me. Ever.

Honestly when I dance, I feel like an ostrich. Like I got "all this"going somewhere that is has no business being... That's why Ostrich's don't dance... They're all big up top and little down under. Lookin' like a kiwi runnin 'round with tooth-pick legs. It's strange and unnecessary. Just put the Kiwi in a dress and send her to prom and there's me my senior year. *cheesegrater face* Everyone else in my family can dance, but no! I was born without the good ass shakin' gene. So I'm suck here watchin the rest of my peeps shakin' their thang while I sit and eat Cheetos.

So what's a girl who cant dance to do? Become a master with a game controller and a keyboard. So here, I sit before the computer knowing that I'm a nerd and wont ever change all because I cant dance. But hey, I cant complain- living the nerdy life is where its at. But that's for another blog. So until then, I bid thee a'due and wish you the best on your dancing adventures in hopes that you're better than me. Good luck all. Remember- don't pop-lock-and-drop-it if you know the dropping's going to hurt you or someone around you. No one likes a bad dancer!  I know from experience! Anyway! See ya peeps!
Thanks for reading! You can find all of my blogs on my facebook page "Go F*ck Yourself, Thanks." where you can leave me a comment with an idea for a blog! Thanks again peeps! ~Cate The Human

You're wrong. I'm right. Yes, I'm sure.

I hate it when people tell me I'm wrong when I say something that I know I'm right about. Seriously peeps? If I'm an expert on what I'm talking about  shut 'cho face. I think I would know. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that I'm never wrong- but it's not like they're always right! For example; I am obsessed with Lord Of The Rings, I know just about everything there is to know about it. Don't question my knowledge of it. Don't ask a question without expecting a full explanation behind my answer. AND DO NOT tell me that I am wrong. I'm warning you. Don't do it. It's not good for your health.

Another thing that really gets me is when someone else jumps into my PRIVATE conversations. I'm sorry but when the fuck did I invite you into this conversation? Oh yeah I didn't. So leave before I rearrange your face with my Wand-pen. Yes- Wand-pen. I got it off of warnerbros.com for $11 and I will fuck your shit up with it. Now go away before I go to azkaban for using the unforgivable curse on you. Two words bitch... just two words and you're dead. Slap that to a broomstick and fly it. Skank.

And one thing I hate more than peeps that jump into a conversation is when I have to sit and listen to a stupid persons conversation. I can't stand it! Like really if I have to sit here and listen to you talk can you at least make it sound like you're a little bit intelligent? cheesegraterface. Stupidity is contagious people! I don't want to catch your dumb ass. So please, if you can't make your conversation even the least bit smart, take your shit elsewhere. 

I guess,to sum it up, I cant stand being told I'm wrong and I hate stupid people. You're wrong. I'm right and you're an idiot for thinking I'm wrong. Just sit there in you're wrongness and be wrong while I gloat my rightness in front of you're messed up face (on account of my Wand-pen) while you're being wrong. That's just how it goes. And yes I know that's how it goes because I'm right. I repeat, Slap that to a broomstick and fly it. OH but you cant, because you're a muggle- and muggles don't fly on broomsticks.  


Thanks for reading! You can find all of my People Are F*cking Stupid blogs on my facebook page "Go F*ck Yourself, Thanks." where you can give me suggestions on what to write about and tell me what you thought about the blog! Thanks again peeps! ~Cate The Human

People at Walmart.

I don't think I've ever met a person who hasn't been to Walmart- and if you're reading this right now and you haven't been then please e-mail me asap, I'd like to shake your hand, CateTheHuman@gmail.com-. What's not to love about Walmart? Low prices, tons of good shit and great entertainment. For those of you who've been to Walmart know that by "entertainment" I mean the peeps you see walking around in there.

This one time my cousin and I followed an old lady through an isle (no we weren't stalking- we just happened to need the same junk) who was wearing short shorts, a floppy hat, and a really baggy shirt. Now, you can only imagine the amount of wrinkle we saw that day, needless to say that lady needed more pants then she had on.


But it doesn't stop there, oh no. It gets worse... ohhh much worse. My friends brother was at Walmart when they passed a very er- big woman sitting on one of those scooter-carts. As they passed her, my friends brother looked back, she was licking her lips and patting her stomach at his friend! He called it her "pancake". I'm not going to lie peeps I would have pissed myself laughing if I had been there to see that.

I dont go to Walmart often but when I do I keep my eyes pealed. I don't want to miss the opportunity to laugh at someones bad fashion mistake or embarrassing moment. Like honestly- who doesn't want to laugh their ass off at someones humility? I KNOW I WANT TO! It's kind of like someone falling down the stairs- you don't like the fact that it happened, but it sure is fuckin funny to watch.

Walmart is a crazy place full of crazy people who do/wear crazy shit. 'Nuf said. And again if you haven't been to Walmart... please e-mail me at CateTheHuman@gmail.com because I want to shake your hand. Er'ey body been to Walmart. Just remember, the next time you go shopping you could be that crazy person that I type a blog about because I'm bored as fuck and a friend suggested that I do it. SO WATCH YA SELF PEEPS!


Thanks for reading you guys! Hope you liked it. You can find all of my blog posts on my facebook page "Go f*ck yourself, thanks." and you can also comment on the page telling me what you want me to write about! ;) See ya next time peeps! ~Cate The Human

How to keep your man.

There are a few steps on how to keep your man listed below! Study up girls this is need-to-know stuff!

Step 1~
After the first date, always be sure that you text or call him as soon as you get home- even if he's just dropped you off- just to let him know that you're okay and you DEFINITELY want to go out again, SOON. If he doesn't answer right away he might be ignoring you-so call again. If that doesn't work, hit him up on facebook just to be sure. Repeat this until he answers, and remember you aren't desperate if you're just concerned! Calling him 48 times in less than 30 mins is totally appropriate if you believe he's gotten in an accident from your house to his. You just care!

Step 2~
If he doesn't call you back for glob knows whatever reason don't panic yet- just update your relationship status to "in a relationship" and request him to do the same. If he doesn't accept right away, just post "I love you" with 20 hearts on his wall so people know for sure you guys have a thing.

Step 3~
 After he finally responds to you make it clear that you missed him very much and you want to see him asap. Don't take no for an answer.

Step 4~
Wow! You're officially in a relationship congrats to you! I promise its not out of pity. So the first thing you want to do is get a hold of his phone and delete all of the other girls numbers in it- that includes his family, they might try and give him another girls number- because you never know what they might actually want from him. After all girls and guys cant just be friends you know.

Step 5~
Check his messages as much as possible; e-mail, texts, facebook, and twitter- take no chances. You want to make sure that no girls are texting him. Read through his messages to his guy Friends in case he changed some girls names to guys names. YOU DON'T WANT HIM TEXTING OTHER GIRLS.

Step 6~
Spend every moment of your free time with him. And if he's busy, text him. You don't want him doing anything he shouldn't be.

Step 7~
After he's broken up with you blame the first girl who posts something on his wall. It was probably that sluts fault for his breaking it off.

Step 8~
Stalk him until he either moves or calls the po-po. Then you move on to another man who deserves you!

Step 9~
Repeat the steps above.


Or you could not be a stupid clingy bitch and you know, pull the stick out of your ass. But hey, who does that? Psh! Not me! After all, who wants to have a good relationship?


Thanks for reading! Post a comment and tell me what you thought or tell me on my facebook page "Go f*ck yourself, thanks.". I'm always open to hearing new ideas for something to write! Just tell me in a comment or a post on facebook! Thanks again! ~Cate The Human

You reak of craigslist. GTFO

WARNING MAKES FUN OF REDNECKS BECAUSE THEY ARE STUPID!!--

I CANNOT STAND STUPID PEOPLE!!! CANNOT STAND THEM!!! I would rather *cheesegraterface* myself until my face is as messed up a Michael Jackson's then sit here in a room swimming with stupid people, more namely the "rednecks". Like for real. I just- oh my glob I cant do it. I just cant. AND I LIVE ON A FARM!!! But you don't see me talking about how awesome my piece of shit truck is or how much I love craigslist because you can look at other peoples shitty overpriced trucks with chrome rims that cost more than the piece of shit that they put it on. Oh yeah, lets just go buy a hunk of scrap metal from a junkyard, use duck-tape to hold it together and kill the environment a little bit more. YEAH!!! LES DO EET! Probably not. Ever. *cheesegraterface*
Those bitches piss me off in more than one way. You see, its not all exhaust and craigslist for these people, oh no, of course it cant just stop there; its beer and guns and how much they hate black people and why Obama shouldn't be president and how much fun they had being fucktards on a dirt road in their shit ass trucks and how much they can drink without throwing up and how many rolls of duck-tape they had to use to fix whatever it is they are fixing. WTF I'm on dumb hillbilly overload. I've put up with stupid rednecks for way to long. I dated one for like 6 months only to move on to another for 2 years (biggest mistake of my life the dude was well above being rated as an ass hole). I just look at one of them and I get annoyed. Honestly if I see someone driving up in a shit ass truck that puts out black exhaust who is wearing a wife beater with dirty stained jeans again I will cheese grater face them. Like seriously, don't these people know what a washer and dryer are? Or do they just throw their shit on the floor, let it sit for a few weeks so the smell will dissipate and then put it back on? I'm always scared that if one really stupid redneck touches me that I'll catch its stupid.
I just cant do it you guys. I cant. And its not all "Rednecks" there are some ones that are quite clean and intelligent. As for the rest of you dumb fucks, go take an English class, learn how to speak properly, take a shower, wash your clothes and drive an Eco friendly car and then we can talk. Stop being so stupid. There is nothing glamorous about your life as it is. Don't argue. I'm right. You're wrong. Just sit there in your wrongness and be wrong knowing that I'm 100% right. Now please, stop shooting at your beer cans in your yard off your porch and go do something that actually contributes to this country that you "love and support" so much. Thanks. *cheesegratarface*
Thanks for reading guys! Share my blogs so I can gain viewers please! And remember I'm always open for new ideas to write about so throw them out on my facebook page "Go f*ck yourself, thanks." you can find all of my blogs posted on there! Have a nice day! ~Cate The Human

Why dudes are dicks.

So, last night my friend requested that I make a blog about why dudes are dillholes... I'm going to tell you right now that if you are a dude reading this, stop right now. It is going to get mean and its going to get mean fast... because I'm a bitch like that.
Allllriggghhhtttt. So, here we go as promised, why dudes are dillholes-
I can say that I've met and dated some of the worlds shittiest peeps -not saying that I've had it rough just saying these ass holes were, well, ass holes. This one guy that I dated would tell me what I could and couldn't wear and how i could cut my hair! WTF! And I know another guy who broke his table at his house and pulled a gun on his GF. Admit it, your guy has been a dick to you at least once and if he hasn't, then I want your number so I can pat this dude on the back; whether it be him getting mad because your ex called or because you didn't text him back in time, dudes get mad over some of the stupidest shit. So here are the top 5 questions that I've been asked about guys.

1~ Why do guys constantly feel the need to be all over us in public?
 * This answer is simple,  we are property, so we need a no trespassing sign. Remember, if another guy looks at you they will try and get you in the sack- and if they try and get us, we'll naturally want the go-getter's. So just in case we woman decide to cheat we wont have a chance because our man is making it well known that were taken. Thanks for lookin out for us guys!

2~ Why is it that every time we miss a call or a text guys freak out and think we're cheating?
*Well of course if we don't answer the phone it means were cheating on them! Surely all of us know that were expected to answer the phone no matter what the circumstance- so obviously if we don't pick up we must be sleeping around! As woman we have nothing to do in our daily lives that can keep us from answering the phone unless were cheating!

3~ Why is it that when we do one little thing wrong guys can make it a huge deal?
*We have to do everything perfect! Surely you know that if they find a microscopic wrinkle in one of their shirts it means that they have all permission to throw a fit and scream about it! That's totally acceptable in a mans world! So be sure that you LITERALLY work your ass off for them -keep in mind that they wont love you if you don't always have the same figure they fell in love with to start!

4~ Why do guys have really bad trust and image issues?
*Well its certainly not because they have a small penis. Nope, its huge! A whopping 8 inches! It's most definitely not because they're afraid of losing us to someone much nicer than they are with a bigger penis. It's just because we cant be trusted as woman, not because they have a small penis. We're just evil creatures who lie and cheat and hate and judge so that's it, not because they have a small peeter, but because were evil. Remember its definitely not because they have a small penis, that's never the reason for any trust or self image issues, ya know, having a small pecker and all, that's NOT it.

5~ Why do guys always want to have sex, why is it so important to them?
*Clearly you don't know what woman are for. We're nothing more than cooking, cleaning, sex machines who are built to please and cater to men! We should always just do what they ask and we'll all just get along fine! I mean, what woman would want to actually go out and have fun and talk? Psh not me! That's for sure! Oh and remember, while hes got you in the sack, don't forget to compliment the size of his 8 inch weenie or he might not trust you anymore.


NO. That is not how it works. I want you to take these answers and do the EXACT OPPOSITE of what it says. Let me sum all of these questions up with one not sarcastic answer--

GUYS ARE ASS HOLES WITH LITTLE WIENERS WHO DON'T TRUST ANYONE BECAUSE OF THEIR WIENER SIZE. THEY WONT CHANGE UNLESS YOU STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. SO STOP TAKING THE THEIR B.S. AND TELL THEM HOW IT REALLY IS!!!!!!!

That's my solution. Don't let a douche bag walk all over you! But don't walk all over them either, it has to be a 50/50 thing. Girls can be bitches and they can take it to far sometimes, so don't be a total ass while telling them how it is (unless the situation is severe in which case i would recommend calling the po po) and tell 'em nicely! If they still don't listen, then punch them in the dick and tell them to have a nice life living with some high maintenance bitch who spends all of their money on designer purses that they cant afford who will end up selling crack with you and sharing the neighbors cat with you for dinner. Karma is a bitch and you can be her best friend, what goes around comes around.

Thanks for reading peeps! ;) Hope you enjoyed it! Remember that I'm always open for suggestions for something to write about so just hit me up on my facebook page "Go F*ck yourself, thanks." and give me some ideasssss!!!!!! ~Cate The Human