Why dudes are dicks.

So, last night my friend requested that I make a blog about why dudes are dillholes... I'm going to tell you right now that if you are a dude reading this, stop right now. It is going to get mean and its going to get mean fast... because I'm a bitch like that.
Allllriggghhhtttt. So, here we go as promised, why dudes are dillholes-
I can say that I've met and dated some of the worlds shittiest peeps -not saying that I've had it rough just saying these ass holes were, well, ass holes. This one guy that I dated would tell me what I could and couldn't wear and how i could cut my hair! WTF! And I know another guy who broke his table at his house and pulled a gun on his GF. Admit it, your guy has been a dick to you at least once and if he hasn't, then I want your number so I can pat this dude on the back; whether it be him getting mad because your ex called or because you didn't text him back in time, dudes get mad over some of the stupidest shit. So here are the top 5 questions that I've been asked about guys.

1~ Why do guys constantly feel the need to be all over us in public?
 * This answer is simple,  we are property, so we need a no trespassing sign. Remember, if another guy looks at you they will try and get you in the sack- and if they try and get us, we'll naturally want the go-getter's. So just in case we woman decide to cheat we wont have a chance because our man is making it well known that were taken. Thanks for lookin out for us guys!

2~ Why is it that every time we miss a call or a text guys freak out and think we're cheating?
*Well of course if we don't answer the phone it means were cheating on them! Surely all of us know that were expected to answer the phone no matter what the circumstance- so obviously if we don't pick up we must be sleeping around! As woman we have nothing to do in our daily lives that can keep us from answering the phone unless were cheating!

3~ Why is it that when we do one little thing wrong guys can make it a huge deal?
*We have to do everything perfect! Surely you know that if they find a microscopic wrinkle in one of their shirts it means that they have all permission to throw a fit and scream about it! That's totally acceptable in a mans world! So be sure that you LITERALLY work your ass off for them -keep in mind that they wont love you if you don't always have the same figure they fell in love with to start!

4~ Why do guys have really bad trust and image issues?
*Well its certainly not because they have a small penis. Nope, its huge! A whopping 8 inches! It's most definitely not because they're afraid of losing us to someone much nicer than they are with a bigger penis. It's just because we cant be trusted as woman, not because they have a small penis. We're just evil creatures who lie and cheat and hate and judge so that's it, not because they have a small peeter, but because were evil. Remember its definitely not because they have a small penis, that's never the reason for any trust or self image issues, ya know, having a small pecker and all, that's NOT it.

5~ Why do guys always want to have sex, why is it so important to them?
*Clearly you don't know what woman are for. We're nothing more than cooking, cleaning, sex machines who are built to please and cater to men! We should always just do what they ask and we'll all just get along fine! I mean, what woman would want to actually go out and have fun and talk? Psh not me! That's for sure! Oh and remember, while hes got you in the sack, don't forget to compliment the size of his 8 inch weenie or he might not trust you anymore.


NO. That is not how it works. I want you to take these answers and do the EXACT OPPOSITE of what it says. Let me sum all of these questions up with one not sarcastic answer--

GUYS ARE ASS HOLES WITH LITTLE WIENERS WHO DON'T TRUST ANYONE BECAUSE OF THEIR WIENER SIZE. THEY WONT CHANGE UNLESS YOU STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. SO STOP TAKING THE THEIR B.S. AND TELL THEM HOW IT REALLY IS!!!!!!!

That's my solution. Don't let a douche bag walk all over you! But don't walk all over them either, it has to be a 50/50 thing. Girls can be bitches and they can take it to far sometimes, so don't be a total ass while telling them how it is (unless the situation is severe in which case i would recommend calling the po po) and tell 'em nicely! If they still don't listen, then punch them in the dick and tell them to have a nice life living with some high maintenance bitch who spends all of their money on designer purses that they cant afford who will end up selling crack with you and sharing the neighbors cat with you for dinner. Karma is a bitch and you can be her best friend, what goes around comes around.

Thanks for reading peeps! ;) Hope you enjoyed it! Remember that I'm always open for suggestions for something to write about so just hit me up on my facebook page "Go F*ck yourself, thanks." and give me some ideasssss!!!!!! ~Cate The Human